At some point between the invention of the like button and the rise of men who think sending a “you up?” text at 1:30 a.m. is romantic, modern chivalry quietly packed its bags with no sign of return.
Today’s men, not all, but enough to form a suspicious pattern, seem to have misplaced the basics of romance. Holding doors? Only if they happen to be walking through them first. Planning a date? Sure, if planning includes pointing vaguely at a food delivery app and mumbling, “you want something?” And, of course, the holy grail of commitment, remembering to respond to a text within the same day.
Before anyone clutches their pearls on behalf of the male population, let me be clear. Men are not helpless nor inherently unromantic and unkind. They are, however, deeply rooted in the harmful online culture of ingenuine romance. And this is where the plot thickens tragically.
Social media’s glowing concept of filtered realities and fake delusions has quietly rewritten the script of dating norms. Swipe culture taught men that effort is optional because, with enough online stamina, someone, anyone will eventually type back. Why craft a thoughtful message when you can copy and paste the same “heyy beautiful” to 14 different girls and see who bites at the bait first? Efficiency and game, they call it. Call it what you want, but it is just genuine laziness.
The bar for romantic effort has sunk so low that if a man remembers your favorite coffee order, your favorite color or even your middle name, he’s immediately praised by the group chat. Sorry Prince Charming, we can’t hear you over the applause for the guy who listens sometimes.
Society raised entire generations on rom-coms where men sprinted through airports or stood in the rain to confess their love, setting the bar high. I’m not saying these overly dramatic acts need to be the norm, but in today’s world, those acts of love are rare to come by. Forget yearning, girls have their fingers crossed that boys will just remember their name. Social media arrived and replaced those grand gestures with #relationshipgoals videos choreographed for views and clout. Nowadays many men believe romance is synonymous with posting a picture of their girlfriend on her birthday accompanied by a prewritten caption stolen from another guy’s post.
Meanwhile actual standards, like communication, initiative or the revolutionary act of planning a date that doesn’t involve the words “chill” or “hang out,” are seen as antiquated and princess treatment.
Let’s address the inevitable counterargument I am most likely to receive —“Women don’t want chivalry anymore.” That’s incorrect. Women don’t want condescension. They still appreciate being treated with respect, intention and care, like mostly everyone in this world. Chivalry was never about “rescuing” a woman, it was about demonstrating basic acts of regard, effort and emotional presence.
But in a culture where vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness and where emotional literacy is about as popular as flip phones, many guys have simply opted out. It’s easier, after all, to complain about “modern day women’s expectations” than to bring flowers without being asked, right?
Romance isn’t extinct. Plenty of men still know what it looks like, some even practice it without irony. The good news is that chivalry doesn’t require grand schemes, dramatic monologues or an orchestra hiding behind the bushes. Just effort and presence. Oh, and maybe just one planned date that doesn’t involve video games or the phrase “I’m just not good at responding back on Snap.”
If men want to reclaim the title of romantic, they don’t need to do anything extravagant. They just need to care out loud, consistently and preferably within normal hours of the day. That doesn’t seem too hard, right? Sharing emotion, being able to communicate feelings without yelling or blaming someone else or showing they care? Now that I’m writing this down, I realize how unrealistic it is for some men to even think about doing those things. Oh well.
If romance is officially dead, it wasn’t women who buried it. They were just too busy waiting for boys to show up with the shovel.
