Mr. West Essex’s guilty prisoners of 2019

Ryan, aka “BLONDE BEAUTY” Q: How would you survive prison? A: If you know, you know. Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be? A: Your girlfriend.

Mark, aka “SWEET CHEEKS”   Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: The key to Bobby Shmurda’s cell Q: How would you escape prison? A: Hide in the mac and cheese  

Mike, aka “PRISON MIKE” Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: Your mama Q: How would you escape prison?  A: Rizzo’s saliva

Billy, aka “BUBBA” Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be? A: The Declaration of Independence Q: How would you survive prison? A: Form a gang

Tom, aka “THE TANK ENGINE”   Q: Why would you be hated in prison? A: They’re jealous of my hair Q: How would you survive prison? A: Storing acorns in my cheeks

Sam, aka “SPRINKLES”   Q: Why would you be hated in prison? A: I put the milk in before the cereal Q: How would you escape prison? A: A magician never reveals his secrets

Dorian, aka “THE ALBANIAN BEAR”   Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: The Krabby Patty secret formula Q: Why would you be hated in prison?  A: I wouldn’t be hated in prison  

Teddy, aka “GINGERSNAP” Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be? A: Intellectual property Q: How would you escape prison? A: Just like El Chapo

Luke, aka “WONDER BREAD”   Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: Your dad’s heart Q: How would you escape prison? A: Tunnel with a spork

Frankie, aka “THE WIZZ”   Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: A speech therapist Q: Why would you be hated in prison? A: My lisp

Josh, aka “SANCHINO”   Q: If you could steal anything, what would it be?  A: Height Q: How would you escape prison? A: I can weirdly fit into a lot of small spaces